Heaven On Earth (kinda)

I recently read a news article where the headline was about a T.V.  evangelist who was asking for donations.   No, not exactly front page, “above the fold” headlines, since this is how most evangelists make their money.  But as I kept reading, I thought for just a second that I had stumbled upon a satirical news article from “The Onion.” But being that it was from some other news source, sadly the story was indeed true.  The headline asked the burning question, if the evangelist, “really needed his FOURTH $54 million dollar private jet to spread ‘the good word’ around the globe?” Um, excuse me? His fourth private jet? Are you kidding me? This guy doesn’t even work for our federal government, and he needs a fourth jet, worth 54 million dollars? 
 

Whether you believe in the bible at all, is entirely up to you.  And of course the stories in the bible are all open to interpretation, and whether you take each word literally, is your own personal decision.  As for me, I do remember the bible stories where Jesus himself did a lot of walking to spread the word, or maybe even riding into town on a donkey or two.   After all, the scriptures state that Jesus was very humble in his human form.  

Sounds to me that this particular evangelist, (I’ll just call him “Rev. Moneybags”) just might be missing something in his approach to the whole “bringing people to the Lord” thing, and being a “good shepherd” and such.  But then again he does preach something called the “prosperity gospel,” in which supposedly… ‘God shows favor by rewarding the faithful with earthly riches, with a strong emphasis on giving money to pastors, which leaders claim is an investment in the afterlife’. Now the article states that he has hundreds of thousands of “followers” around the world.  Which leads me to the question of; who the hell are these ‘followers’ who actually listen and watch him on television? I thought the whole Jim Jones/”Jonestown” thing ended years ago?  Or that maybe the “Heaven’s Gate” people who all dressed up wearing Nike shoes, and had a roll of quarters in their pockets, waiting for the UFO, lurking behind Haley’s Comet to “take them all home,” was just some weird, social aberration. Well, guess what? Apparently, there is a group of people who believe that the way to heaven is based on some sort of “sliding scale” of giving money to some guy who needs 4 private jets.  How it all works, I’m sure is based on some sort of “fuzzy logic” that is a kin to reading the new I.R.S. tax code while on L.S.D.!  And that’s not even the crazy part!  The crazy part is, people have already given this guy enough money to have previously bought THREE other private jets! 

 

I don’t know, I’m just a “mild mannered” orange farmer who would be happy with just a new truck. 

 Hold on…Wait a minute, this gives me an idea…”Do you feel compelled to send me enough money to buy me a new Ford F-150?” “Do you have the urge to just bring me a new Ford F-150, with the “pink slip” and a full tank of gas?” “Yes, my friends, you will be rewarded in heaven for your generous gift of a truck!”  “Pick up the phone right now and make that donation to Farmer Tony!” “We have operators standing by to receive your gift.” …No? Well, it was worth a shot. 

I’ll see you in the groves…walking.

Thank You for reading,

-Tony