Well…lookie here, I blinked my eyes one day back in 1985 and now here we are in 2015. Where has all the time gone? I would say that maybe the old expression of; “time flies when you’re having fun” might be right, but I sure don’t recall having 30 years worth of fun!! I know the old song that quips…”ain’t it funny how time slips away”, but for some reason, I don’t particularly see the humor in losing 3 decades worth of fun and excitement. So what the heck happened?!? In my youth, lo those many years ago now, I remember my older relatives at the time, telling me that something like this would eventually happen. That one day I would wake up and time will have advanced forward, like some kind of space aged “time machine”. But I would always answer back, “Not me, I’m going to live each day to the fullest and remember every single day of my life!” Oh the rebel I was in my youth…clueless rebel, I might add. Anyway, like most people over the age of say…40, I try to figure out what happened to the years of my life that went “flying by”. I often try to theorize how there must be some tear in the time-space continuum, and since I’ve never been much of a heavy drinker, I have ruled out alcoholic “blackouts” as being the root cause. So after careful thought and top notch scientific speculation over a single cup of coffee, I give you; “Farmer Tony’s Short List of Time Altering Theories and Conspiracies”:
1. The MH370 Theory- My lost time was crammed into a “carry on” bag and placed in the overhead compartment of Malaysia Air, flight 370. And last status update…yup, still missing.
2. The Illuminati Connection- The Star Chamber of the Illuminati is indeed for real and they have been able to manipulate the memories of my life, using their nefarious network of high tech engineers and doctors who apparently have been injecting me with more than just an annual flu vaccine.
3. The Kardashian Conspiracy- Kim Kardashian and the rest of the Kardashians are really aliens from Alpha Centauri and have managed to fool us all! It turns out that the aliens have developed unique mind control abilities and are systematically “brain washing” us in order to take over our planet and the universe. Like any other reason for the Kardashian’s success would make more sense.
4. Government Cover Up- The folks up in Washington D.C. have decided that just taking all my money in the form of taxes wasn’t enough. I’m guessing that on top of the tax bills every year, they have decided to steal my memories as well. How are they doing it? The truth is out there I suppose. But I’m not sure what value my memories could possibly have in Washington. Then again these are the same people who in 2012, paid $120 million dollars to dead federal employees. So putting proper value on things isn’t quite on top of their “skill set” list.
5. Two words…Sun Spots.
Well whatever the real case is that has caused me to look back at my life and ponder; “has it really been 30 years since 1985?” I guess it really doesn’t matter, because as it turns out, I’m not alone. I have been asking around, and it seems everyone is telling me that they feel that “time” is moving faster every year. One day it’s spring then the next day it’s fall etc…etc… I guess it’s the age old answer of our wise old elders being right. They really do know what they are talking about. Mostly…except for maybe the weird cousin in our lives that we see only during holidays that has his own ideas about women and world politics. I suppose the best thing to do is, be thankful for everyday, and take time to smell the orange blossoms when you can. And when you start to forget the time that has passed you by, make up your own version of your past, that way when you have grandchildren, you’ll sound that much more interesting. And finally, you too will be able to tell people younger than you; to soak up the memories and “carpe diem” and so forth, for someday they will look back and wonder…”where has all the time gone?”
Thanks for reading,
I’ll see you in the groves.