After having survived the infamous and way “over hyped” Y2K, new millennium nonsense, lo those many years ago now, we all let out a collective sigh of relief. Then we were told that December 21st, 2012 was the “drop dead” date for the end of the world, thanks to more “over hyped” attention given to yet another date on a calendar. This time it was the ancient Mayan calendar that promised calamity…but once again, to no avail. But now we have the definitive reason to never pay your tax bills again or plant any more trees for that matter…yup, it’s the news that everyone has always feared in the back of our minds. What news could possibly be so bad and cringe worthy enough to cause a global panic? Thankfully, it’s not another, reality T.V. show featuring attractive, yet oh so vapid, single people trying to find their true, forever love, to marry… but it is just as disturbing. So, in case you missed this headline in the news recently, it was reported that, according to an international team of scientists; Earth may be in the early days of a 6th mass extinction! Whaaat? Mass extinction? Wait a minute, isn’t that how all the dinosaurs were killed off?!? And what exactly is meant by “the early days” of a 6th mass extinction? And if this is true, how much time do we have left? Is it time to cash in my (imaginary) 401K? Can I still buy green bananas? Should I even bother washing my car? So many unanswered questions to deal with, and how do we even “absorb” such information? Well, before anyone starts to get any really bad ideas, such as jumping out of a building window to avoid the impending disaster, let’s review some of the facts. First, there is nothing quite like a news headline that sounds this ominous to grab your attention. But like most news stories these days, the “devil is in the details” as they say. Let’s see, when was the last mass extinction? Hmmm...well according to the “experts” extinction #5 took place some 65 MILLION years ago! And what caused #5? That’s right…a catastrophic asteroid that hit the earth. So, I guess there wasn’t much anyone could have done about that one. So, “skip ahead, skip ahead, skip ahead,” and here we are in the year of 2014, and now we are being warned of “ME#6”. But this time, instead of an asteroid, causing the extinction, scientist say that this one is being linked to something else...”human activity.” As our population continues to grow, we are forcing out from their natural habitat where large endangered animals can roam free. Free to migrate, live, mate and continue on as their given species. Researchers say that up to one-third of all vertebrates are threatened or endangered. Big animals like elephants, rhinos, and even polar bears are at the greatest risk of extinction. Yeiks! Too many people, using up too much of the land is the main problem. But there are other man made causes of the “die off”. Such as people in the business of poaching large ENDANGERED animals for their skins, horns, and fur is another reason. Sad really.
So what to do? Society will not allow for the rounding up and removal of humans in order to keep land available for the animals…at least not yet. And even if we could, whom would we choose, and where would we put them?? Ah, social and moral dilemmas abound. Well, as you might have guessed, “Farmer Tony” has a few ideas of his own. I say; make everyone a candidate to be “voted off the island” as it were, and put it to the test. I think we should all be able to nominate whomever we choose and once a “candidate” gets enough votes, it’s a one way ticket to that moon “colony” that China has planned. Just think of it, we could finally rid ourselves of people like; Miley Cyrus, Casey Anthony, Vladimir Putin, O.J. Simpson, Sara Palin, Michael Vic, Justin Bieber, Chris Mathews, “Flo” from all the Progressive Insurance ads, Kanye West, and not one, but ALL of the Kardashians! OK, perhaps that’s too simplistic of an idea. But you have to admit, the animals would approve. Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that we indeed have to figure something out to stave off this next mass extinction.
Luckily, we still have some time. According to the study that gave us the bad news, the next extinction that we may be entering into may happen within the next 300 to 2,000 YEARS! The good news here is that a time “window” like that is one that we all have experience with and know how to maneuver through. Ever schedule an appointment to have The Dish Network or Direct TV people come out and take a look at your non working system? How about asking the phone company for an appointment to look at your phone line that has static on it? Yes, we have some time. But we shouldn’t wait too long to try and figure something out. Our future depends on it. The animals depend on it, our Earth depends on it. But most importantly, college football season is upon us, and oh what I wouldn’t give to be able to watch a whole game without “Flo”! Well, it was worth a shot anyway.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in the groves.